


Empty Space

by atiny_in_the_neocity



Category: A.C.E (Beat Interactive Band), U-KISS, UNB (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Not Beta Read, Not Canon Compliant, Past Relationship(s), Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:15:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22975384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atiny_in_the_neocity/pseuds/atiny_in_the_neocity
Summary: Yuchan is gone, Junhee doesn't know how to cope without him and this empty space.
Relationships: Kang Yuchan | Chan/Lee Junyoung | Jun, Kang Yuchan | Chan/Park Junhee | Jun, Kim Byeongkwan/Kim Sehyoon | Wow, Lee Donghun/Park Junhee | Jun
Comments: 3
Kudos: 25





	Empty Space

_I don't see you_

_You're not in every window I look through_

_And I don't miss you_

_You're not in every single thing I do_

Junhee sighed softly, here he was again sitting alone in the diner where he had had his first date with Yuchan all those months ago. The window was now fogged, the rain kept falling and the door remained closed. He was now on what he assumed to be his fifth cup of coffee, the waitress kept on giving him this look, not a one of pity but it was almost there and it was enough for the pain in his heart to grow. Yuchan wasn’t here and he wasn’t coming back. 

Days passed like this, it became a bit of blur, Junhee visited every single place that had meant something to his relationship with Yuchan as if Yuchan would be there to tell him that he had never left. There was only one place that Yuchan hadn’t left and even though it was cheesy to say he’d say it anyway. Kang Yuchan would always be in his heart, it ached to feel his touch again, to hear him whisper “I love you.” just one last time. 

And yet Junhee said nothing, he put a smile on his face and pretended like everything was okay, he was fine without Yuchan and he could make it look like he was coping just fine. Everyone experiences heartbreak at least once in their life and Junhee could get over it. Yuchan wasn’t the key to everything, he wasn’t the one holding his life together and so Junhee pretended like he was the one in charge when in fact Yuchan still had full control over his actions. 

  


_I don't think we're meant to be_

_And you are not the missing piece_

Junhee remembered the first time that Yuchan had met his parents, his parents had taken one look at the young smiley boy and decided that Junhee deserved something more. It had taken a while for his mother to warm up to Yuchan but gradually the boy was accepted into their life and he became a regular at every event that his family hosted. And now Yuchan wasn’t there, there was now an empty space beside Junhee where the silence grew and the stars grew stronger. 

They say you know when you meet the one, the butterflies in the stomach and the fireworks when you kiss. Junhee couldn’t remember any of this ever happening with Yuchan, instead of being simple their relationship was complicated filled with loads of little turns and twists. It became a journey, a journey where Junhee couldn’t see the end but Yuchan could. Those twists and turns grew bigger and became a recurrent issue. And the space between them kept growing. It was like Junhee didn’t even know who Yuchan was anymore, the boy he had fallen in love with was fading before his eyes and there was nothing that he could do about it. 

  


_I won't hear it_

_Whenever anybody says your name_

Junhee knew that his friends were avoiding the subject, they seemed to actively go out of their way to never mention Yuchan and when they did it never seemed to be by name. It wasn’t like his name was going to do anymore damage, Junhee already felt broken and hearing his name brought a small smile to his face before the pain hit. His name brought it all back, the memories flooded through his brain and he couldn’t help all the emotions that came with it. A flood that could not be stopped and it was getting harder to pretend that he was okay. 

Byeongkwan was the one that often slipped up more, he had a habit of just blurting out things like “damn I miss when we used to take Channie here” before his boyfriend, Sehyoon, would gently flick his shoulder and the silence would return as they both looked at Junhee with that horrible look of pity. The last thing he ever wanted was for anyone to pity him. It made him feel small, more broken if that was even possible and like he was fragile, 

  


_And I won't feel it_

_Even when I'm bursting into flames_

_I'm probably lying to myself again_

Junhee refused to let himself go, he refused to succumb to the pain, he couldn’t let Yuchan and the memory of Yuchan become one of pain. He couldn’t do that to all of the good memories that they had. He wouldn’t let himself give in. Even in the tough times, Junhee swallowed the pain back, pushing it back to wherever it came from and attempted to keep a bright smile on his face. One day at a time, one day it would be easier, one day it would no longer be a fight. 

It’s in the moments when Junhee is alone that it is worse, that’s when the thoughts start to flood his head and it becomes unbearable. Only then will he let himself break down and cry. Only then will he feel the pain, the heartbreak and only then will he admit that he doesn’t think that he can do it without Yuchan. A constant fight with himself, a fight that he doesn’t think he’ll ever win and yet he’s still praying. 

When Junhee is with friends, he tells them all that he’s over Yuchan, that his heart no longer beats for Yuchan and that he is completely fine on his own. He has no idea whether or not they believe him. Junhee figures that Sehyoon has figured it out but Byeongkwan seems to get happier every time Junhee mentions that he is thinking about moving on. And so he keeps lying to himself. 

  


_I'm alone in my head_

_Looking for love in a stranger's bed_

Junhee tried, he really did try to move on, he figured that one day he would eventually meet someone that would make his heart beat just like Yuchan did once and yet it still hadn’t happened. Every weekend, he’d be out looking for love or attention from anyone that wanted to give it to him. Junhee knew that he was handsome, he knew that a fair view people gave him a second look when he passed but there was only one person that he wanted to be with. 

Junhee almost thought he had moved on, he had found a cute guy with such an adorable smile. He dated Rayoon for a month before realising that everything Yoon did simply reminded him of Yuchan. He couldn’t hurt another guy just because he wasn’t over Yuchan yet. Yoon had remained a friend though, he understood why it had never worked out for them and he did everything he could to try and make Junhee happy. And well he couldn’t be more thankful. 

  


_But I don't think I'll find it_

_'Cause only you could fill this empty space_

_I wanna tell all my friends_

_But I don't think they would understand_

Byeongkwan and Sehyoon had been in love since they were kids, they had one of those love stories that you would find in a rom com. They were next door neighbours at 5, best friends at 6, boyfriends at 14 and engaged at 20. They were yet to tie the knot and Junhee felt like that was his fault. They had picked a date, but then Yuchan had left him about 3 months before the wedding date and somehow the couple had decided to postpone the date. They had also attempted to convince Junhee that it wasn’t his fault but that never worked. 

They had never really experienced heartbreak, there was the one time that they broke up but that lasted around three weeks before Byeongkwan literally dropped down onto his knees and begged Sehyoon to take him back. The couple had absolutely no idea what it felt like to lose someone and know deep down that it was entirely his fault. He loved his friends, they were the best thing in his life but none of them understood how he felt without Yuchan. How there was always something missing, just an empty space that followed him everywhere. 

  


_It's somethin' I've decided_

_'Cause only you could fill this empty space_

Junhee knelt down on the floor, looking up at the sky as if he was praying to a god that he didn’t even believe in anymore. If there was such a thing as a god they wouldn’t have done this to him, it would be too cruel and far too much. Surely Junhee hadn’t deserved this, he had done everything in his powers to make sure that Yuchan was happy, he had given his all and ultimately received this in return. The pain, the sadness, the heartbreak, the numbness that was growing by the day and so much more. Surely he hadn’t done anything so bad that this was the punishment. 

Yuchan had been his angel, there was just something so innocent and sweet about the boy that angel became his nickname. Yuchan had loved it, his smile grew whenever he heard it and that in itself had made Junhee’s heart beat just a little bit faster. In fact there was so much that Yuchan could do that made Junhee weak at the knees. He just knew what would make Junhee happy and what more could you possibly ever want in a boyfriend. And now it is all gone. 

  


_I've been drinking_

_I've been doin' things I shouldn't do_

It was only natural that Junhee ended up turning to alcohol, it was only natural that anyone turned to any type of fix whenever they needed an escape from what their life had become and that was the excuse he gave himself every time he picked up a bottle. Before and with Yuchan, Junhee had never ever drank, he refused to as he had never seen the benefits of it. But now that Yuchan was actually gone there seem to be so many benefits that he had never even thought of before now. It still felt like a shame that he was wasting Yuchan’s memory like this but he needed to get it all out of his head before it consumed him. 

Junhee really did try to stop, he did everything in his power but he just ended up turning back to the bottle. It had taken him a month to stop drinking, it was actually Byeongkwan that had helped him. The younger male had quite surprised Junhee when he turned up to his apartment with a look of disappointment on his face. That meant his cover was blown, Byeongkwan knew now that he wasn’t okay and now he wouldn’t leave him alone. His constant presence combined with the fact that Sehyoon wasn’t enjoying the fact that his fiance was constantly with him made him stop. 

  


_Overthinking_

_I don't know who I am without you_

For a few weeks, Junhee began to feel like himself again, he was back to smiling for real, being at work on time and actually starting to enjoy life again. It was beginning to feel like things might just been turning around for him. Of course this was all just a lie. He still could see Yuchan in everything that he did and he still felt the pain sometimes. Junhee supposed that it would never go away, he would just have to learn to live with it and eventually one day move on. And just as he thought that his life was going well, Junhee bumped into Junyoung. 

Junyoung was a lovely guy, as much as Junhee had much that he did not like about the guy, he had to admit that he was the nicest guy alive. And also the main reason as to why he lost Yuchan the first time. He hadn’t seen Junyoung in a while, in fact for awhile he made a conscious effort to avoid the younger male as much as humanly possible and it definitely began to work when Junyoung moved to a completely different city. But here he was now, standing in front of Junhee with a shocked expression. 

“Junhee hyung!”

  


_I'm a liar and a cheat_

_I let my ego swallow me_

_And that's why I might never see you again_

Junhee sighed softly, looking up at Junyoung before simply grabbing his arm and dragging him to a better space where they could talk. He sensed that the younger male had much that he wanted to say to him and therefore he felt like they needed to move to a much more private location. Junhee did not need the entire restaurant to hear about his affairs. 

“I’m guessing that you’re not just here for a social call. You and Yuchan promised not to come to my work.”

Junhee said firmly, picking at the table cloth that currently decorated the table in a futile attempt to distract himself from the situation that he was in at that moment. He had hardly looked Junyoung in the eye since had arrived, the memories that he had hidden for such a long time were starting to come back. However, if he had looked up at Junyoung, he would have noticed the red puffy circles around his eyes that gave away the fact that he had been crying for quite some time and therefore he should have been expecting the news that came next. 

“It’s Yuchan, I think you deserve to know that there was an accident, a car accident and we lost Yuchan last night. He fought so hard but he’s gone..”

Junhee looked up at Junyoung then, he was praying that the younger male would say that it was all just a joke and that none of it was true. But the silence that followed confirmed that it was the truth. It took a moment for it to really hit him and then suddenly everything was out of focus. Junhee remembered the tears, he remembered letting out a scream and falling onto his knees but after that everything went black. 

  


_It's somethin' I've decided_

_'Cause only you could fill this empty space_

4 months after Yuchan’s funeral, Junhee was sitting alone in the cafe where he had his first date with Yuchan, simply sipping coffee and ignoring the stares from the waitresses. He watched the rain fall down the window, humming to himself whilst letting the memories play on repeat. They brought no more pain, simply smiles when he thought about how he had an angel looking over him. Yuchan would never have wanted him to dwell on anything. Before he could say anything, the door opened making the little bell ring and in walked the most handsome guy Junhee had ever seen before. The guy looked around the cafe, tilting his head when he caught Junhee staring before walking over with an amused smile on his face. 

“Hi there, I’m Donghun, would it be okay if I took a seat?”

Junhee nodded quickly, moving his bag from the seat so that Donghun could sit down. It was an awkward few moments before Junhee remembered that he still hadn’t introduced himself. 

  


“I’m Junhee. It’s really nice to meet you."

  


_I couldn't make you love me_

Junhee couldn’t make Yuchan love him, he couldn’t force him to stay but perhaps it would be different with Donghun. That empty space no longer felt quite as empty anymore. 

  


  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading this fic! I'm so sorry that this happened but their cover just gave me feels and I ended up writing this. Hope it was good! Please leave comments and kudos! Much love!


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